One year


If you think this is an anniversary post, no. You're totally wrong. This is about something that is completely different.

One year. One goddamn year. One year of exhaustment. One year of being on this roller coaster of feeling. One year of disappointments and false hopes.

From that very one day, he stole something of mine, and ran so far that cupid couldn't catch him. From that very one day, i was drowning in amazement. From that very one day, my ears got pleased.

One year of keeping this feeling inside. One year of staring from a distance. One year of being nervous everytime he's around. One year of the stupid signal readings. One year of hoping for the same thing. One year of the heart race. One year of the warnings I got from my friends. One year of not giving up. One year of patiently waiting.

One year of wanting to talk to you.

This whole year, I keep talking to myself "Okay. Maybe not today. Maybe tomorrow.". I keep thinking that there's a hope.

All this year. Did I make a progress? Yes. A little. But still, doesn't change anything.

And after all this year, i desperately keep asking myself, "What should I do?"

One painful year of an unrequited love.

he's just NOT that into you


"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
-He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

"That's the exception and we're not the exception, we're the rule!"
-He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

"I know strung out, and YOU are strung out."
-He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

excuse me but I can't help this


Saya tau ini lagu lama. Saya udah tau lagu ini dari lama. Saya ngerti kalo post ini jadi menjijikan. Saya cuma baru memperhatikan lagi liriknya.

Tapi ini menohok parah.

"But it's not so easy to make you here with me."
"But I still have a time to break a silence."
"I used to hide and watch you from a distance and I knew you realized."
"I was looking for a chance to get closer, at least to say hello."
"I never thought that I'm so strong"
"I stuck on you and wait so long."


Hujan. Sendirian. Ipod setia menemani. Teman saya bilang di Whatsapp: "Sendu!". Saya cuma tertawa.

"One thing's for sure, you don't have to worry. And this is the part where you found out who you are."

Barusan liat jam. Spontan satu wajah muncul di otak saya. Saya langsung tersenyum. Lalu lenyap senyum saya. Saya seperti disentil sedikit. Diingatkan, itu cuma khayalan saja. Bodoh.

"Angels with dirty faces... No i can't go on like this forever. Wake up move forward."

Kadang bengong. Pikiran melayang. Kali ini bakal kaya yang sebelum-sebelumnya lagi gak ya? Saya capek soalnya.

"It will say that you were meant for me. And this is where we're supposed to be."

Unrequited.

"Love will never ever let us fall apart."

Hhh haus. Tapi udah cukup boros bulan ini.

"I've had it all in my head what I'd say to you."

Kadang saya pikir, saya nggak mau kayak gini. 'Makan hati' kalau orang-orang bilang.

"So here's a song it's twisting me."

Kau aneh sekali. Aneh. Tapi saya pasti lebih aneh lagi. Eh bukan. Kalau saya itu bodoh, bukan aneh.

"Play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love."

Kapan ya bisa kayak gitu? Gue udah nunggu lama. Hm.

"Then you became a drug. And I can't get enough."

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( Saya bingung harus gimana :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :'(

"You are the sound of fire burning up the night."

Joko Anwar tadi ngetweet: "It's not love if it makes you horny not corny."
Yak. Love makes it legal for you to be as corny as you could.

"Just another story about the young and the useless."

Meja di samping saya udah kosong semua.

"Don't stop me from dreaming."

Mas-mas waiter tiba-tiba dateng ngeberesin semuanya. Nyak. Diusir secara 'halus'.

"I fell off track. I went to love and back."

Saya benci kata 'galau'. Saya benci perasaan 'galau'. Saya benci segala hal tentang 'galau'. Benci sekali.

"I took the bait. She told me I didn't know what I was missing"

Yak saya tutup aja post ini. Panjang sekali. Maaf ya udah lama ditelantarkan, blog. Saya ngerti kok rasanya.

"...that didn't stop me from falling for you."

logic vs. heart

"When the heart starts functioning for someone,
the brain starts malfunctioning too much"

"Dari: logika. Untuk: hati. Dengan ucapan: kapan kamu membiarkan aku menang?"

"And right now I may just be living inside the heart of the body,
and I one day hope to move to the brain."

"
He's thinking more with his heart than with his brain."

"
It's not logic that convinces me of something, it's what my heart says."

"
The logic of the heart is absurd."



h8lyfe, i miss you qurls already

READ THIS FIRST!
post ini buat h8lyfe. gue mau ngebahas soal h8lyfe. dan cuma h8lyfe. gue di sini gak maksud ngejelek-jelekin siapapun. gue juga sayang sama ami dan botil. jadi jangan main asumsi yang nggak-nggak.



hey h8lyfe qurls. qurls qurls gue kangen kalian loh. HAHAH anjir gue lenje banget ya baru 1 hari ngerasain yg bener2 belajar full, udah kangen. gue mungkin udah bilang seabrek-abrek tadi sama ressi tasha. tapi anne belom liat kan gara-gara gk update whatsapp hahahaha. tapi gue serius.

gila ya udah 1 tahun loh. gue inget banget dulu gue cuma sama tasha pas pertama kali masuk. terus tasha ngeledek-ledekin anne. akhirnya lumayan sering bareng. eh terus ressi juga. dan itu awal semuanya *eya*

Tasha
tasha tuh ya gila. hahahhaa. kalo orang baru denger dia ngatain orang lain mungkin kadang kedengeran jleb nuncep banget. tapi kok gue selalu denger itu kocak banget. kerjaannya ngeramein formspring sama pertanyaan absurdnya. kalo design alsdkasjdlsakdjsa. tas, inget elang bondol? inget dulu gue suka gangguin lu dengan "BOAAA" atau "HAHAHA BISMA YA BISMA"? inget diajarin hoola hoop sama kita bertiga? inget gk foto aib gue banyak banget di elu? inget PASHA?? inget nggak kita dikeluarin dari kelas kimia bertiga doang sama si anne? (RESSI MT WOO MT ALSKDJSALDKJ) inget gigi coklat muffin nenek nyirih gue? inget lu lari keliling kelas menghindari gue yang bergigi seperti itu? inget dulu gue sempet kesenengan minjem kacamata lu?

Anne
anne yang paling sering jadi sasaran ngobrol gue :''') padahal gue sama anne baru kenal bener-bener kelas 11 itu. yang namanya ngobrol nggaaak bisa berenti. gue juga bingung. kenapa kita bisa nggak berenti??? kenapa topik muncul terus???? ohiya satu hal lagi. (dulu sih) hpnya anne NGGAK PERNAH bisa dihubungin hahahhahahahaha. sampe pasrah sendiri :'''''') "yah anne mah hp nyala 1 jam sehari......" ne, inget nggak kita diheranin sama hepi karena kita nggak pernah berenti ngobrol? inget nggak gue dipindah ke depan sama pak adi karena ngobrol? inget nggak pas kita gk sekelompok, si kulot ngira kita lagi musuhan? inget nggak gue pernah nggak sengaja bikin lo jatoh di ulang tahun oddy? inget nggak kita heboh pas ngeliat hasil presentase nama kita dan nama 'mereka' di lovemeter murahan di games.co.id? inget nggak kita nonton video mos di rumah gue terus ngakak keras banget kaya orang kesurupan? inget nggak pas lu les sm dudung?

Ressi
emang udah dari kelas 10, sampe detik ini juga, kita masih sama kok. PMDK tercemar. mungkin kita dua-duanya pmdk ter-tercemar di sekolah. bisa kaya gitu ya res? setiap orang nyinggung-nyinggung pmdk, gue langsung nengok ke lo, reflex. eh lo ngerti terus tiba-tiba cekikikan sendiri. gue ibu baptis anaknya dia, koala namanya Koko. berkat gue Koko hidup. dan udah pasti lah, dia bersyukur banget. iya gak res? gue paling inget dia yg ngajarin gue kata 'getol'. res, inget 'Matrix' nggak? inget waktu lu bimbang milih *azek*? inget nggak waktu gue jadi perantara? inget nggak waktu abis live in, yang masuk cuma lu sama gue doang, terus di situ gue me-reveal soal gitar pertama kalinya? inget Zackpot dan Jonk? inget greduesen? masih banyak ke-jumapolo-an lu lagi, iye ye res? iye ye......

H8LYFE
inget tos h8lyfe? inget "CHEEEPOSCHEEEE" dengan gerakan tangan yang khas?? inget H8LYFE GUISE? inget kita heboh banget ngebelain ressi waktu itu? inget nggak kita setiap hari pasti adaaa aja bahan kalo gak gosip, cerita, LAWAK? inget nggak siapapun, apapun bisa jadi bahan lawakan? inget waktu laptop gue ilang? inget waktu kita berempat bersumpah jari kelingking nggak akan ngatain **** lagi? inget jaman-jaman kita main emot? tuker-tukeran emot. bentar-bentar ngakak liat emot baru. inget hansamu dan kawan-kawannya? inget kita nonton OVJ via msn dan semua kata-kata andalan keluar? inget talenta freak gue ngubah-ngubah muka kita? inget kita ngerusak keyboard masing-masing karena heboh liat foto-foto ubahan gue itu? inget undian milih karakter foto terus gue dapet jackpot si negro? padahal gue sblmnya ngata-ngatain abis si negro? inget kita ada yg jadi dagu bleber, paha jadi segede pipa, muka kaya waria, atau bahkan foto-foto kita yang tumpuk-tumpukan nempel dan terkesan begah maksa gak muat satu frame? inget waktu kita pertama kali tau WhatsApp? udah tau kita konsumerisme (korban lainnya tipco dan wadesta), malah dikenalin sama produk baru. inget kita berempat ketagihan WhatsApp? inget kita ketagihan WhatsApp pas MASA ULANGAN UMUM??? inget waktu kita bener-bener seneng dan ketagihan WhatsApp? gue bener-bener berterimakasih sama pencipta WhatsApp waktu itu. sampe sekarang juga. inget kita berempat ketakutan kejer takut nggak naik kelas?? inget kita akhirnya naik kelas dan galau kita nggak sekelas lagi? sekarang gue ngerasa lebih parah. sampe yang paling baru, inget kita ngutuk-ngutuk karena kita berempat kepisah dan zackpot dipukul rata?

gue bener-bener baru sadar kalo kangen kalian hari ini. hari ini hari full efektif sekolah pertama. dan kelas gue................. beda banget sama dulu.

Guru lagi jelasin.
Dulu: kalo nggak ngobrol sama salah satu dari kalian, karena pasti ada cerita yang selalu ada, errr apa ya, tidur.
Sekarang: tengok kiri kanan, anjir kok kayanya fokus semua. gue mesti ngobrol sama siapa... akhirnya malah cuma bisa gambar-gambar.

Guru lagi jelasin. Nemu bahan lawakan.
Dulu: panggil, colek, nengok, ngelirik. salah satu dilakuin. kalian sigap nanggapin lawakan akhirnya kita berhasil ketawa-ketawa sendiri. bahkan kalo udah parah, ngelirik aja ngerti langsung ketawa sendiri.
Sekarang: nyolek. nengok. emang mau ngedengerin tapi setengah-setengah nengok ke guru. gue jadi nggak enak. gue jadi ngerasa kaya gangguin malah.

Guru baru selesai ngejelasin.
Dulu: alis gue mengkirut. gue dengan sigap nanya salah satu dari kalian, atau bahkan kalian semua. gue: "eh ngerti nggak lo?" kalian: "nggak HEHEHE lu??" gue: "SAMA HAHAHA" dan gue nggak merasa asing.
Sekarang: gantian, botil yang nanya: "rin ngerti nggak?" gue: "enggak HEHEHEH" botil: "mana yang nggak ngerti??" dan gue pun sukses diajarin. bukannya gue nggak suka. gue makasih banget malah sama botil. gue seneng kok botil kaya gitu. cuma gue jadi ngerasa, anjir kok gue yang paling nggak berdaya di sini. masa gue doang.

Guru ngasih soal latihan buat dikerjain di sekolah.
Dulu: sigap geret kursi ke salah satu meja kalian. bawa buku tulis sama alat tulis. sukses ngobrol ngakak dan sebagainya. bel bunyi. buku masih bersih licin rapi.
Sekarang: udah mau geret kursi. lagi mau minta izin buat pindah ke mejanya. dua-duanya, nggak ami, nggak botil. tiba-tiba dari seluruh penjuru bahala, dateng heboh berbondong-bondong. dan dengan ribetnya nanya semacem kaya gini, "MI AMI NOMOR 5 GIMANA YA CARANYA? KOK ANEH. NGGAK ADA V NYA BLABLABLA" atau, "NAD NOMOR 6 TUH PAKE RUMUS APA YA? RUMUS YP SAMA DENGAN VWXYZ BUKAN???" dan gue cuma bisa plonga plongo ngeliatin mereka yang sedang ribet. ngeliat ke papan. nyalin dikit. ngedengerin lagi. dan gue nggak tau mereka ngomong apa. gue bener-bener ngerasa kaya jadi binatang piaraan, dimana semua makhluk lain di sekelilingnya ngomong 1 bahasa yang sama kecuali gue sendiri.

qurls, ngerti kan kenapa gue ngerasa kaya gini. gue bener-bener seneng loh ada kalian. seengganya pas ada kalian, gue nggak harus ngerasa asing, sendirian, paling nggak berdaya lemah sendiri. kelas seburuk, se-jonk, se-zackpot apapun kalo ada h8lyfe tuh jadi jauh lebih mending. buktinya, dengan kelas kita yang dulu, gue sempet hampir tiap hari gue ketawa sampe nangis. bahkan pas lagi masa paling berat dan brengsek dan suram kaya ulum, lawakan kalian bisa bikin gue ketawa kaya apa tau. sekarang...... gue mumet, suntuk, capek. sepi tau nggak. apalagi ada bayang-bayang tetek bengek UAN, UAS, UP, ujian kuliah segala macem.

mungkin emang gue ditempatin di situ biar tobat haha. mungkin kita dipisah emang supaya kita kembali ke jalan yang benar. emang sih kita 'butuh' jalan yg bener itu. mungkin kita kaya gini karena emang belom adaptasi?

apapun itu, gue tetep kangen h8lyfe. gue udah pernah bilang kan waktu kelas 11. lawakan kalian juara banget.

jadi, plis, jangan lost contact ya. gue masih butuh lawakan kalian. mungkin emang nggak bisa seintens dulu. tapi harus tetep bisa ya. gue masih bisa ketemu tasha pas les. masih bisa ketemu anne kalo istirahat. masih bisa ketemu ressi pas pulang sekolah. pokoknya jangan berubah!! kalo kangen liat aja foto di atas terus baca ulang post ini :'''')

i screamed loud at the top of my lungs. i felt so alive.


that moment when the lights go down, the screams get louder my heart skips a beat, then right there in front of me are my heroes, the ones i have been counting down the days to see. the spotlight glows on their faces suddenly i become fearless, i dont have a single care in the world because for a few hours my life is perfect. when they put the microphone out to the crowd i sing every single lyric at the top of my voice dance until my feet cannot feel the floor. for one night i am surrounded by people who feel the exact same way, who understand me my love for a band so close to my heart. i sing, i sing along and wave my hands in the air, i cry, i cry because this moment is what i have been waiting for since i very first laid eyes on them, when they say “i wanna hear you make some noise” i scream, i scream for every single time they have made me feel like i am special. when its over i smile myself to sleep even though i may suffer from post concert depression somehow a certain song will always bring me back to that arena because a concert like this never ends, lasts a lifetime.

BOYS LIKE GIRLS live in Jakarta 1st anniversary, January 25th 2010. i miss you Martin Johnson, Paul DiGiovanni, Bryan Donahue, and John Keefe :''''''')

c) http://iadorejobros.tumblr.com/

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