"Tis The Season to Be Jolly"



It's a wonderful feeling
Feel the love in the room
From the floor to the ceiling
It's that time of year
Christmastime is here
And with the blessings from above
God sends you his love
And everybody's okay
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

No you won't understand.


When I said those words, you guys laughed so hard, thinking I was joking.

Hahahahahahaha.

I know I'm funny like that.

But I wasn't joking. Not even in a slightest bit. 

I knew what I said back then. I meant it. Because it has always been the situation for me. It happens all the time. You just never know it. 

We're from totally different worlds. People like you will never ever understand half the stuff I've gone through. People like you will never feel the way I've been treated all the time. People like you will never understand how words can hurt so much. 

Because somehow, the world is so much nicer to people like you. Surprised much?

All of you will say "Oh shut it. You're so pessimistic." Blalalala. 

It's not pessimistic. 

It's called, being realistic.

No, you won't understand because it's MY reality not yours. And you don't see the world the way that I do. 

Trust me, it's not a beautiful view.

Put yourself in my shoes (which is impossible), and THEN you can probably understand.

A little something to be thankful for.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone! So this is probably my first thanksgiving post ever on this blog. Wow. For almost 5 years I’ve had this blog and I’ve never even once posted a thankful post. How rude am I.

Thus begins the long list of the things I’m thankful for. Here it goes:
  • I am thankful for the Internet. I really do. Internet saves my life. Even though sometimes it has a way of stabbing myself with a virtual knife. I still love it though. Can’t live without it.
  • I am thankful for my baby. Yes I am talking about my laptop. My baby has been loyal to me through thick and thin. It’s been the best buddy in all of my situations. My baby knows what I need. Uhuehueh.
  • I am thankful for all the concerts I went to. Concerts are just my way of escaping the reality. Because seeing your favorite artists in front of your very eyes, when you usually just see them behind your computer screen, is just a surreal experience, which can’t be traded for anything.
  • I am thankful for my chance of meeting my favorite band, All Time Low. To be able to ACTUALLY talk to them and touch their own real skin is just... alskdjaslkdjaklsjfklajsflkajsfsad. I CAN’T DESCRIBE.
  • I am thankful for all the gifts that I received on my birthday(s). Every single one of them is just a material form of their unconditional love. I still keep them and I always will. Those stuffs and their presence are the ones that make my birthday the best day of the year. Thank you guys :’) Really. From the bottom of my heart.
  • I am thankful for the summer trip to one (or two) of the most wondrous places on earth. I couldn’t believe I finally got to go there. It’s like one of my life long dreams. Huh it’s even on my bucket list! So so so grateful to have been there.
  • I am thankful for the great movies and tv shows that exist. They really have a power to make someone happy.
To be wise, I have to list some of these:
  • I am thankful for the worst pain I’ve ever gone through in my life. It seriously shattered me in ways I can’t describe. The worst feeling I’ve ever felt. It affected me so much more than I thought it did. It made me who I am right now.
  • I am thankful for all the lessons that I had to learn. I realized I DO need to learn some of that.
  • I am thankful for how strong I am. Haha. Come on. I can’t pick a better word for it. At least it’s a good thing I’m not suicidal right?
  • I am thankful for all the tears I’ve cried. At least I’m still a human with a heart.
  • I am thankful for all of the realizations that slap me in my very face.
But mostly:
  • I am thankful for all the memories that I’ve had. Memories that I will never forget. Memories that will always be captured in my head.
  • I am thankful for my loving family. Even though they get on my nerves and are hard to deal with sometimes. They are at least a walking proof of unconditional love.
  • I am thankful for my sister. She’s the best sister anyone could ever ask. She’s just someone I could share anything with.
  • I am thankful for the love I once had. Whether it was real or not.
  • I am thankful for the people who came into my life. Even though some of them didn’t make it to the end.
  • I am thankful for the bittersweet romance I had. Both the sweet and the bitter are probably permanently written in my life.
  • I am thankful for the friends I have. Even though they may not always be there. They always give me at least a reason to smile or even laugh.
  • I am thankful for my best friends who’ve always been there for me. I am thankful because I have them to pour my stories into. They help me through my hardest moments. I just hope our friendship lasts forever.
  • I am thankful for all the laughs I’ve had. Especially the ones I can’t believe I had.
  • I am thankful for all those times I feel happy. Like genuinely happy. Because I’m not going to lie, I did feel genuinely happy several times this year.
  • I am thankful for those people who somehow always find a way to show up in my life. Even after all these years.
  • I am thankful for the things I had and for the things I have and even the things I will have.
  • I am thankful for the way the universe granted my new year’s wish. Even though it didn’t end very well.
To wrap this up,

I am thankful for the way things are.

Rumah


Gue pengen kembali ke diri gue yang dulu. Gue yang nggak perlu act all tough. Gue yang ceria datang setiap hari karena punya motivasi. Gue yang nggak lebih banyak diam. Gue yang bisa dengan mudahnya mencolek salah satu dari mereka lalu menyeletukkan lelucon atau cemoohan yang menurut kami lucu. Gue yang selalu begitu mudahnya membicarakan banyak hal tanpa harus memeras otak mencari-cari topik pembicaraan. Gue yang selalu dibuat terbahak. Gue yang selalu punya tempat untuk menumpahkan semua cerita.

Dan gue jadi ingat suatu quote teman gue yang dulu gue baca,

"Sekarang rumahku sudah tidak ada..." –Frian

Karena rumah nggak semudah itu untuk dicari atau diganti.

And it's all coming back again.


Berulang-ulang kali gue katakan. Beribu-ribu kali gue yakinkan diri gue. Gue udah pindah halaman kok. Secara logika, gue jelas-jelas udah pindah halaman. Gue udah nggak di halaman itu lagi. Semua orang pun bisa melihat kalau gue sendiri justru ada di halaman kosong baru ini. Halaman kosong yang siap gue tulis untuk tulisan baru. Bahkan gue baru aja selesai menulis halaman lain lagi. I'm a hundred pages ahead. Halaman 'itu' seharusnya udah lewat cukup lama.

Sampai hari itu...


---------------------------------------------------------------------

Waktu itu niat gue udah bulat untuk nggak pergi ke sana. Malas, alasan gue. Bukannya karena malas ketemu orang yang akan ditemui, tapi... Entahlah. Malas gerak. Sampai tiba-tiba gue diculik oleh salah seorang sahabat. Gue pun nurut aja akhirnya daripada harus berdiam diri di rumah.

Kembali ke sana lagi. Hmh cukup beda sih dengan yang ada waktu jaman gue dulu. Dan di sana gue. Bersama mereka lagi. Duduk-duduk nggak imut lagi. Makan bersama lagi. Teriak-teriak heboh lagi. Ketawa terbahak bahkan terkikik lagi cuma karena hal sepele yang mungkin untuk orang awam nggak lucu. Melakukan hal bodoh yang biasa kami lakukan. Seperti dulu lagi.

Lalu sosok agak familiar mencolok di sudut mata gue. Gue nengok. Ternyata dia. Berdiri sekian meter agak jauh.

Gue berusaha untuk mengabaikan dan tetap bercanda dan ngerumpi. Berpura-pura nggak pernah menyadari kehadiran dia. Ya lu tau kan, gue berusaha melakukan hal yang dilakukan orang yang sudah pindah halaman: tidak peduli. Lalu beberapa jam kemudian, semuanya berubah. Apa yang berubah? Ok let's put it this way.

Pernahkah lu pergi ke suatu tempat yang jadi bagian dari masa lalu lu? Lalu di sana ada orang-orang yang selalu mengisi masa lalu lu, baik orang yang menjadi subjek utama masa lalu itu maupun orang-orang lain yang ikut berperan juga? Lalu tiba-tiba dua lagu yang paling mengingatkan lu tentang masa lalu itu atau subjek utama itu diputar, di tempat itu juga, bersama orang-orang itu juga?

Belum? Percayalah. Rasanya itu sangat menyesakkan. In both good and bad ways.

Menit demi menit gue di sana, tembok pertahanan gue semakin terkikis. Tembok pertahanan yang selama ini menahan semua kenangan yang tertulis di halaman 'itu'. Tembok yang membatasi sekarang dan masa lalu.

Entah apa yang sebenarnya terjadi tapi dari mata gue, bukan cuma gue yang diam-diam berubah. Tapi mereka. Mereka berubah jadi... Sama persis seperti mereka yang dulu. Seakan-akan mereka transformasi mundur ke periode waktu itu. Sikap mereka, tindak-tanduk mereka, gelagat mereka. Dan gue yang menghabiskan waktu bersama mereka, seperti terkena domino effect, juga secara nggak sadar mulai bertransformasi mundur. Diri gue yang dulu pun kembali. Diri gue yang pemalu. Diri gue yang selalu bingung harus melakukan apa. Diri gue yang ketakutan. Diri gue yang selalu dengan bodohnya menutup-nutupi dengan cara yang konyol. Diri gue yang cuma berani melihat dari jauh. Diri gue yang selalu salah tingkah. Diri gue yang selalu menunggu waktu yang tepat instead of menciptakan kesempatan. Diri gue yang selalu mati-matian menyembunyikan perasaan.

Tiba-tiba lagu pertama dari kedua lagu yang gue sebut tadi dimainkan. Lagu yang liriknya benar-benar mendeskripsikan luapan-luapan perasaan gue di masa lalu. Begitu melodi intro dari instrumen gitar dimainkan dengan sangat lembut, rasanya seperti ada wrecking ball yang menghantam hancur tembok pertahanan gue. Sementara mereka masih terus bersikap seperti itu. Dan gue yang menutup-nutupi sambil salah tingkah. Dan gue yang sempat melihat dia in a distance di tengah-tengah lagu.

Sampai akhirnya lagu kedua yang gue sebut tadi dimainkan tanpa disangka-sangka. Lagu yang tidak pernah gagal mengingatkan gue tentang dia. Dan kali ini gue cuma bisa menatap ke depan secara kosong sambil ikut menyanyikan lagunya dengan pelan. Di dalam otak gue, gue cuma bisa melihat potongan-potongan gambar masa lalu yang muncul. Gambaran tempat di mana gue berada saat itu juga, di siang hari, waktu gue mendengar lagu itu untuk pertama kalinya. That's not it. Yang juga kembali adalah semua gambar yang ada dia di dalamnya.

Dan saat itu gue sadar, kalau gue benar-benar kembali ke masa itu. Seperti reka ulang kejadian. Tanpa ada banyak hal yang berubah.

Gila nggak sih? Tau kenapa gue bilang gila? Gue dibuat kembali ke masa lalu tapi semuanya dari faktor eksternal. Kedatangan gue ke tempat lama itu, dia, sikap sahabat-sahabat gue yang transformasi mundur, pemililhan lokasi, pemilihan lagunya. Bukan gue yang mengontrol. Seakan-akan alam semesta berkonspirasi untuk mencolek gue di pundak dari belakang, dan melempari gue dengan ratusan halaman 'itu', sambil berkata "Ingat ini?"

Gue sampai sekarang masih terus meyakini diri gue kalo semua perasaan gue yang muncul itu tadi cuma karena terbawa suasana. Gue harap sih. Karena gue tau halaman 'itu' udah lewat. Dan gue seharusnya nggak boleh kembali kesana lagi. Yang gue takutin itu kalau selama ini gue cuma bohongin diri gue sendiri. Yang gue takutin itu gue sebenarnya masih stuck di halaman 'itu' tanpa sadar.

Kau membuat aku terlalu...
Mengkhayalkan terlalu jauh...

To whom I might meet in the future


Dearly beloved,

First of all I want to congratulate you for finding this silly letter and reading this. Yes, this is for you. This letter maybe will help you to know me better. Better than anyone ever did perhaps. At least I hope you will. Because you must be one of my most important people in my life. 

You may be wondering, what purpose am I trying to get here writing this random letter out of the blue. Number one, I just feel like writing it. I'm in the mood! Number two, I need a decent post at least one or two after this shithole I've been living with for the past few months. Number three, and my most important reason, just like I've stated before, I want you to know me better. 

So let's begin. Hi, it's me Karin. Your so-called Anzelma Karin Uli. Some people call me 'glue', 'uli', 'menjelma', 'tape' and some other ridiculous nicknames. And who knows you maybe have you own personal nickname for me. And I probably secretly like it. 

Being born on the April 21st, makes me a Taurean. Just like another typical Taurean, I'm stubborn. Yes I'm stubborn. I sometimes don't listen what other people say. I will fight for my own will until I achieve what I want. Another Taurus trait that I posses is loyalty. I won't get easily bored. And I definitely won't get bored of you. I won't find someone new just because I'm bored of a person. And even though you may or may not be a Taurean, I hope you have that trait too. Cause if you do, you will be the most amazing person I've ever known. You know, realizing how rare loyalty is these days.

Have you met my family? Yes the pretty big one for a family. They like you. So don't worry. As long as you didn't make any trouble, you're pretty much safe. I have a sister. She's the best sister that ever exist in this whole world. I'm pretty sure you two will get along. If everything works well, I'm sure you'll feel like she's your little sister too.

Have you met my friends? No, no. My real friends. The ones I always/often mention in my stories. They're the craziest and funniest people you'll ever meet. You'll see how I can laugh until I cry when one of them pulls out a joke. If you can get our jokes, then you'll be fine. You'll understand why I  can call them my real friends. 

I love listening to music. I know it's so mainstream. Listening to music is like breathing. Who doesn't love that? Some people only know I listen to pop-punk music. Yes it's true, most of my iTunes library is in the pop-punk genre. But actually, I listen to other kinds of music too. Except the 'too-indie' ones and the Skrillex-and-other-electronic-music stuff. You can check it if you want. I'm a sucker for relevant song lyrics. So don't be so surprised if I randomly gasp or squeal or even scream when I'm listening to a song. It means I just recently notice the relevance or the depth of the currently-playing-song lyrics. I figure we probably don't have the same taste of music and it's totally fine with me. Because we're mature enough not to mock each other's music right? ;)

Another mainstream habit, I love watching movies. What's not too mainstream is that I always remember my favorite lines and I recite it at any possible time. So don't be annoyed if I recite movie lines to you. I'm a chickflicks/romcoms worshipper. I make weird 'awww' sounds when there's a sweet scene. I hope you're the one I can talk to about movies. Not in an 'I'm-explaining-to-you-the-movie-plot-because-you-don't-pay-attention' kind of way, but in a 'Shit-that-movie-is-so-good-my-favorite-scene-is-where-Brad-Pitt-shouted-"WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!!!"-with-the-horror-on-his-face' kind of way. 

I watch TV series in my spare time. Sometimes I get so into it, I even laugh so hard like a lunatic. If you witness this, don't worry. I haven't gone mad (yet). Watch it with me, so maybe we both can be two lunatics laughing our asses off together. 

I have a blog to maintain. Which you can see right now. And if you find this, then you must have come a pretty long way, huh? I'm glad you spend your time reading this though. I spill my thoughts in this blog. I pour my heart out on this blog. Because there's just some stuff that I cannot say easily face-to-face or share easily with a human being. So, feel free to dig my thoughts. 

I'm a night owl. I can never be an early bird. I would appreciate it if we make plans in the noon or later. Sometimes I pull an all-nighter to finish my tasks. I'm a pro procrastinator. For my own good, remind me when I slack off like that. 

I have a HUGE appetite. I feel hungry all the time. Especially when I don't stay at home. Speaking of food, I LOVE martabak manis. (More than I love you. No, jk jk) And I suddenly crave for it right now. It's my gluttony speaking but I just can't seem to shake the image of martabak off my head...OHMYGOD I'm getting really off track right now. 

I'm not the easiest going person. I am all quiet and awkward around new people or the people I'm not really comfortable with yet. But when I get that chemistry, I get all weird and hyperactive all of a sudden. At least that's what most of them say. And with you, I guess there's no need to question the chemistry that we have. That's what brings us together, right? 

I'm the worst at telling people how I feel about them. So if I act all quiet and different around you, there must be something wrong. Ask me. I probably will answer truthfully. The other chance I will probably answer it with "I'm fine". See, 'I'm fine' could mean two things: 1) "I'm not fine but I know it's just my hormone and/or paranoid speaking so I don't want to make any trouble." 2) "I'm not fine because of you but I don't want to make any trouble and it's not a big deal so I'll let it slide." Huh, typical women. I know right? I keep my anger to myself. So if I have seriously stated how disappointed or angry I am, that's when I got really really mad. 

"I......got troubled thoughts and self esteem to match~~" No seriously I wasn't just singing. I'm not the one with the highest self esteem. I'm insecure. I got intimidated easily sometimes. It would be awesome if you could help me with this issue. 

I love telling stories. I love telling them long with the details and gestures that I unconsciously make. When I tell people stories about you, you can guarantee that I tell it hysterically. Because you're my favorite subject to talk about. 

I am superstitious. I believe that walking under a ladder or having a black cat crossing my path or dropping the salt shaker can bring bad luck. I believe in karma. I believe what goes around comes back around. That's probably the reason why I can't be mean to people. At least not in front of them. ;) I make wishes every time I get the chance. Don't be annoyed by that if you're not superstitious. Because after all this time, you're my wish-came-true. 

I have trust issues. I hate it myself but I will try to trust more. I'm careless and I forget stuffs. I know I can be difficult to deal with sometimes. I'm sorry. Bear with me. We're both in this together right? 

What you should know is that I've been longing for the day I meet you. Is it a meet-cute like the ones that happen in romcoms? Or maybe we start off from the place we wouldn't have expected before? Either way, I won't forget it. Because that's when the universe starts to conspire. And maybe it's just how it's meant to be and how you're meant to be the one who can bring back my smile. 

I always knew you would come around and find me. So thank you, for finally finding me. 



With all my love,

Me

My own personal Odin sleep.


Rasanya seperti cuma mimpi yang hanya saya yang bisa melihat dan mengingatnya. Kalau benar, rasanya ingin tidur terus. Daripada saya bangun lalu selalu dianggap seperti orang yang berdelusi atau mendadak bertatapan kosong sewaktu tenggelam dalam rekaman gambar-gambar 'mimpi' yang berkelibatan di otak.

Giving human beings too much credit.


Entah berapa kali gue bilang ke diri sendiri, "Snap yourself out of it!!" Tapi ya mau gimana. Semuanya menghantui gue begitu sih. Gue juga udah capek kalo harus cerita ke orang. Satu-satunya pelarian ya cuma blog ini. This thing keeps me alive dude hahahaha gangerti lagi kalau gak ada blog ini, mungkin benar gue akan meledak kaya human time bomb. Kaya isi otak gue meledak kemana-mana. Ugh disturbing image.

Apa ya.

Uhm.

Cuma masih gak habis pikir aja sih. Nggak pernah nyangka aja sih bakal ngalamin kaya gini. Or at least, gak pernah nyangka aja sih beneran kejadian. Kaya, woi, ini mimpi buruk doang kan? All I need to do is just wake up and everything would be alright again, right? 

Bodoh. Bodoh. Bodoh. Bodoh. 

Kalau ada orang yang ngatain gue seperti itu, (dan sebetulnya udah ada sih yang 'menampar' gue seperti itu), gue nggak menyangkal. Gue akui itu. Gue bodoh. Gue bodoh ya begitu mudahnya percaya. Bodoh banget emang. 

Salah ya sepertinya gue memandang seseorang, dan menganggap "There's a goodness in you" gitu? Salah ya gue melihat orang, walaupun gue tau apa yang orang lain lihat beda, tapi gue tetap menganggap, deep down inside, you're a human who have a conscience? Salah ya dulu gue dalam hati diam-diam bilang "Gue percaya lu nggak akan jahat sama gue kok."? Salah ya dulu gue bergumam, "Ah mungkin mereka bersikap begitu karena cuma memandang orang-orang ini sebelah mata. Mungkin itu cuma karena mereka nggak terlalu mengenal orang-orang ini. Orang-orang ini baik kok. Never judge a book by its cover kan..." lalu mengabaikan pendapat-pendapat lain? Salah ya gue sempat punya semacam 'goal' kaya "Gue pasti bisa buktiin kalau pandangan mereka salah. Gue pasti bisa buktiin kalau dia sebetulnya baik."

Sepertinya begitu. Ya kenyataan akhirnya, orang-orang yang punya pandangan berbeda dari gue itu benar. Bukannya buktiin orang-orang salah, malah buktiin kalau orang-orang benar. Dan justru gue sendiri yang kena getahnya. Dan mungkin orang-orang yang berpandangan berbeda itu lagi menertawakan gue kaya "Hahaha mampus. Salah sendiri bego ngeladenin."

True colors kalau kata orang. 

Apa gue yang berarti buta warna ya? Gue nggak bisa melihat 'warna' orang-orang gitu kali ya? Mata gue mencleng amat ya kalo bener gitu ya? Ck payah :)

Atau kacamata gue ya yang salah? Dan sekarang gue baru bisa melihat keadaan sekitar gue dari kacamata orang lain. Dari kacamata yang dipakai beberapa orang yang berpendapat berbeda itu. Dan gue bisa melihat apa yang mereka lihat. And it's not a pretty sight. 

Shocked much? 

Kadang terlintas di otak waktu pikiran lagi melayang kemana-mana: "What did I ever do?

Mungkin nggak mereka sebetulnya orang baik tapi jadi jahat karena gue melakukan suatu kesalahan yang fatal dan mereka murka lalu melakukan hal buruk itu? Mungkin gak orang-orang itu melakukan hal-hal buruk itu karena targetnya ya gue ini? "Ah elah Karin doang." Atau ya itu tadi, mungkin bukan karena gue melakukan sesuatu, tapi karena mereka emang orangnya begitu. That's just what they do. That's just how they treat people. And this is what I get for being Mother Teresa to that kind of people.

Yah. Ajarin saya caranya melihat sifat asli orang dong. Sigh.

Lessons learned #1


Dari sekian banyak kesialan yang menimpa akhir-akhir ini, let's be positive for once. Let's not be depressed for once. Oke akhirnya gue bisa bilang gue mulai bisa melihat bright side dari semua tetekbengek ini. Bisa dibilang sih gue akhirnya belajar lumayan banyak hal. It was such a wake up call. So here goes. I learn that:

  • I'm definitely, undoubtedly, NOT the most excellent judge of character.
  • Maybe they were right. Maybe I was just too blind to see. Maybe I was just too blind to walk through that other path that would turn this whole thing around. 
  • Maybe deep down inside, a little part of me DID see this coming. But I just chose to close my eyes, blindfold myself, and believe in things I shouldn't have in the first place. Stupid me~
  • Even though I realize that I made that mistake by believing in the wrong things, I didn't regret a single damn thing. It was a lesson worth its weight in gold. Everything is said and done. It's over. Let karma do the work.
  • Gue jadi bisa tau ya, mana yang benar-benar peduli, mana yang bodo amat, mana yang cuma kepo doang, mana yang peduli cuma karena merasa kewajiban doang, sama mana yang cuma pura-pura peduli karena seumur hidupnya cuma pake topeng sok baik padahal yang dipeduliin cuma dirinya sendiri. 
  • Just because someone says all the things that shows how nice of a person they are, doesn't mean they're actually nice. Because words are just words. People can say everything they want. It's what they really do that matters.
  • Real friend itu orang yang bisa memberi tau lu kapan lu benar dan kapan lu salah. Real friend bukan orang yang berseru 'woohoo you rock, buddy!' atas segala keputusan yang lu ambil. Real friend bukan orang yang berseru 'wow gilagila lu emang gokil banget deh gaada tandingannya ajib~!' saat lu bersikap menjadi orang brengsek (because everyone turns into a jerk at least once in their life). Karena gue percaya, orang-orang yang 'tepat' untuk ada di hidup lu itu adalah orang yang bisa membuat lu jadi orang yang lebih baik, bukan malah jadi rusak. Dan gue sangat bersyukur gue punya orang-orang itu di hidup gue. 
  • If a friend warns you about something that is not quite right, CONSIDER IT. Think it through. Because they might just see some things you can't see. Because you might just be blinded by the illusion you created.
  • Orang yang beragama, rajin ibadah, doa sana sini, dll itu belum tentu baik. Orang yang nggak beragama itu belum tentu brengsek. People are just never what they seem.
  • If someone really has some conscience, they should treat people as individuals who have a heart. Not as an object or property. 
Sejauh ini sih baru segitu yang gue pelajari. Tapi sepertinya ada lagi tapi gue lupa atau belum sadar. Well tunggu aja deh semoga ada #2 nya :P

A heavy plate for one to undertake.


Lelah.

Kedengaran dramatis tapi sungguh, saya lelah.

Memendam itu melelahkan. Bertahun-tahun semuanya saya pendam. Saya kira juga saya jadi tambah ahli dan kebal dalam hal 'pendam-memendam'. Ternyata tidak.

"Crying will make you feel better"? Well, iya kalo bisa. Iya kalo saya artis sinetron yang bisa mengeluarkan air mata dengan mudah. But no. I can't even remember how to cry. I can't even find something worth crying about.

Does a human time bomb really exist? I can't imagine.

Girls are just being girls probably. I'm just being a girl.


"Why do women do this? Build up this stuff in their mind…take each little thing a guy does, and then twist it into something else?" -Alex (He's Just Not That Into You, 2009)

See? This is why girls should change their perspectives. Girls should just take a reality check. Girls should know about the rule and live by it ok. Girls should know that they are the rule! Not the exception! 

Even if girls know about the rule, girls always think and convince themselves that they're the exception. Well really, a sassy gay friend should come up to the girls, slap them in the face and say "YOU'RE NOT THE EXCEPTION. YOU'RE THE RULE! YOU STUPID BETCH" 

Girls need to know that the exception is a one in a million cases. Of course all the girls want to be the exception. But no. Not all girls can be exception. So suck it up, girls.

Huff.

I need a sassy gay friend :(

A nice break from all of the (college) bullshit that I went through.



Tau apa yang gak pernah berubah dari jaman gue sekolah sampe kuliah? Gue sangat suka dengan yang namanya konsep liburan. Yah walaupun liburan kuliah yang gue harapkan bisa berbulan-bulan ternyata cuma 2 minggu sama aja kayak anak SMA, tapi hhh i need the break right now.

Oke jadi video di atas itu adalah video behind the scene *cie* waktu gue, Ami, Wiwid berencana buat surprisein teman cowok kita yang tidak lain tidak bukan Dandy. hihi. If you really watch it all the way from the beginning until the end, gosh i love you. Hahahha bukan apa-apa. Seneng aja ditonton. Awh bisa ditonton aja itu artinya apresiasi buat hasil kerja keras gue berapa hari berapa malem membuat dan mengupload video ini ya. Ya percayalah, upload video gak segampang yang kalian kira.

Jadi gue coba buat post tentang, i don't know, happy stuff? Pengen kan sekali-sekali beda, pengen punya blog isinya bukan galauan racauan mumet-mumetan gue terus hahahah.  Hahaha come on, give me a standing ovation at least :') You don't know how hard it is to post nice and happy things when your college social life and your love life is defective.

Kan nge-rant lagi. I'll try to make more videos in the future. Because making videos is SUPER FUN hahaha :') Yasudah deh. Please do enjoy the video. If that's even possible. ;)

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